May 24, 2003
Today, I was hit by this sudden bolt of depression. Walking down Orchard road, and has any of you been to Orchard Road today? It's so, so, so crowded! looks like the 'Step Out' thingy is working afterall! But that was no good at all for my temporary state of depression. Loneliness is a funny thing. It shouts loudest when you are somewhere stuck in the middle of throngs of people. Today, I almost lost my hearing capability from it.
It's just one of those days when you yearn for people to fuss over you, treat you like how they would treat a little toddler ger - fuss over you for no reason, reward you handsomely for a job well done (oki, at least, that's how I treat little kids). One of those days when you put out your hand, you hope someone will take it and hold it firmly, lead you through the crowds, open the way for you. One of those days that your only wish is actually to have a damn good dinner with a damn good friend. Ok, if you want to be specific, with a damn good male friend. Sweet 'sisters' of mine, dun begrudge. You do understand my occasional need for some male presense in my life. Today's juz one of those times.
I ended up having this Vietnam rice in soup with mushroom, chicken and prawns for dinner at what was the old Meridien Kopitiam. Alone. You know, when you know that you are feeling unsettled for some unknown reason, you should never order food. A drink maybe, but not food. Cos no food taste good when all you are thinking is why you are feeling how you are feeling. Darn. Worse, for me, I get indigestion easily if I don't enjoy what I am putting into my mouth. Mind over matter thing. 'Cept today, the mind's blocked out, for some reason. So, I ended up not having finished my dinner, not that it was yucky. I couldn't really tell, anyway.
With my clan's function out of the agenda, there is no more distraction from Tuesday. It's almost like releasing all the butterflies so that they can come invade my tummy again. Sux.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:37